Theory 103… The Weirdness Theory

There are a lot of weird things you can see on this planet. Sure, there’s some unusual physical and geological attractions (Bryce Canyon and Goblin Valley come to mind) but I’m thinking more about humankind. There’s some weird people on this earth doing some pretty unusual things. I took my family on a road trip a couple of years ago to Northern California. We stayed in San Francisco and ultimately made our way up the Redwood coast to Oregon. The second day of the trip, while we were in the San Francisco area, I discovered that the Raiders and Chargers were playing on Monday Night Football to open the season. It just so happened to be my birthday, so I didn’t have too much trouble talking my wife into going…. and hey… why not take the kids too? BIG MISTAKE! Our whole family saw extreme weirdness on display that night as the football game itself was the least memorable and least interesting thing we laid our eyes upon. My kids were virtually the only children under 16 in the whole stadium…. and the crazy tailgater’s and the nutjob marijuana-smoking Raider fans had us on edge most of the night until we left midway through the 3rd quarter. Taking the family to a Raiders football game was not my finest moment as a father.
If it’s weird your looking for, you don’t have to go to a Raiders game. Just go to LDS General Conference! Pass by the kooks next to the conference center yelling vulgarities… it’s a weird site to behold. Somebody needs to pass out some bumble gum flavored Ritalin to those folks!
Truth is, you don’t even have to go downtown to see weirdness on display, just take a drive down to State Street. No… I’m not talking about the homeless… I’m talking about those folks who dress up as the Statue of Liberty, or a pancake, or a dollar bill, or whatever, just to attract attention and get people into some retail establishment for a payday loan, or whatever. I’m not denigrating anyone here… I’m just saying it’s a weird thing to see a pancake jumping around on the side of the road.
It’s my theory however… that of all the weird people… and of all the weird things you can see in public… Those HOT-DOG-ON-A-STICK girls probably take the cake. I mean, come-on, what’s the deal with those girls making lemonade? That’s pretty weird stuff… short shorts, funny hats, plunging away middle of the mall as droves of people walk by. Every time I see those girls making lemonade it makes me want to cringe… or cover my eyes. Credit Dave Barham, founder of Hot-Dog On A Stick… he came up with the idea to make corn-dogs and tasty lemonade then market it via publicity stunt featuring extreme tackiness, hard physical labor, circus appeal, and sexual innuendo… and get this… his first store was in Murray, Utah at Fashion Place mall. If you can sell short shorts and $3 lemonade in Utah, you can sell it anywhere! My only question: Is there not a more civilized way to make great tasting lemonade? WEIRD!